Thursday, May 17, 2007

Everybody Loves Raymond…or A Tale of Suffering Obtuseness Gladly



Take a look at these two pictures. Apart from the fact that one is white, fictitious and Italian American, the other is black.

Or, so I think.

I know there are a lot of obnoxious people around. My philosophy has been to accept such people as they are—whether ignorant or arrogant—and work with them. I came across an interesting article yesterday in BusinessWeek, entitled “In Praise of the “Anti-Mentor” that basically suggested that it’s foolish to think that arrogant and annoying people will change. In that way, they are reliable, and you can learn from that reliability to guide you on your relations with them.

The writer writes:


the next time you get frustrated with that sleazy politician down the hall, that slippery vendor, or that manipulative customer, take a deep breath and ask yourself what lesson this person is likely to teach you. Anti-mentors may represent the most important opportunity for learning we're given in life. The key is being willing to learn from them.
From:
http://www.businessweek.com/smallbiz/content/may2007/sb20070515_736954.htm?campaign_id=rss_daily


It was rather serendipitous I should come across an article like that the very same time I was dealing with an obnoxious blogger.

Raymond is the 24-yr-old-son of a former Ugandan Ambassador to Brussels. He owns a blog, Raymond’s Bliss, which you can google easily.

My personal view of his blog is that it’s interesting, in the sense that it’s humorous, albeit excitable. Someone on his blog said that it’s like he’s always on a high. I wouldn’t know. Just to say: his blog reads like the way I used to write in my journal when I was in secondary school.

Either way, the guy is interesting, and is living it up in Brussels.

During our “good times” when he was acknowledging my comments, he accepted my wishing him a Happy Birthday:



At 10:40 AM, Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...
A belated Happy birthday;-)) That makes you a, erm, sagittarius. What's your take on astrology, whilst you try to decipher sms-ed things to your Nokia...

Just one thing: do you ever reply to comments on your blog? If not, why not? ANother thing: that jacket rocks...would rock even better in a disco; maybe you can take the two hot chicks with you?...;-)

I MISS those sarned Belgian waffles!!!;-((

This site might interest you: http://www.tbx.be, a site I check every week for news in Brussels
From: http://raymondsbliss.blogspot.com/2007/02/24.html



To which he later wrote this:


Emmanuel Bensah the third! You sound like a street in Ethiopia (that’s a compliment, I think) I never have understood the logic behind commenting on comments! Though since you are an Ethiopian street, I’ll make an exception…See, now I have nothing to say to you! That’s one reason I don’t, but mostly because I am just lazy!

From: http://raymondsbliss.blogspot.com/2007/02/who-wants-babies.html

Suddenly, one day, it turned sour.

He wrote a post, entitled “Sprite Bunny Genocide”, which was whimsical.

To the extreme, it was out of order, because, in one breath, he was writing about how he had been driven to tears watching a film about the Rwandan genocide, whilst contemporraneously and unwittingly casting a racist slur on Africans:



Lessons for life: Never trust Africans with sharp objects, with no satellite TV! Even with tooth picks!

From: http://raymondsbliss.blogspot.com/2007/04/sprite-bunny-genocide.html


I found that totally out of order, and stated something to that effect.

I came back a few weeks later to see that all the 10 comments that entry elicited were intact, but mine, asking him to be more sensitive about the Rwandan genocide, was erased…without a trace.

I put it down to a glitch in blogger, though at the back of my mind, I was emphatic it was deliberate.

I was proved right when in his latest post, last dated 3 May, I asked him to eml me. I provided my yahoo address, and asked him to get in touch with me, because I had some insights to share, having lived in Belgium for two decades. I also wondered why my posts kept on disappearing.

That was earlier this week. Just before I left the office in the evening, I checked the comments to see that all had remained—except mine, yet, a post I had posted anonymously, encouraging him with his work, had remained.

Evidently, he didn’t know it was me.

In any event, I decided to try one last time by posting this:



Raymond, this takes the biscuit.

You are the only African blogger I know who has behaved in such a strange manner towards his African bloggers...

You blew your chance: I'm an author for Global Voices, that seeks to amplify the voices of non-Western blogs. I was going to recommend your blog to the Sub-Saharan editor, and make some recommendations on how your writing could be less excitable, and more reflective of something that would be ideal for African bloggers.

Given your strange and unexplained, and frankly, rude, attitude towards posts distasteful to you, I shall refrain from that and consider, instead, writing a post about this most assinine of attitudes.

Unless blogger is doing something strange to my posts, I cannot understand what problem you have with my posts. You said a while back that my name sounded like a streetname, to which I chuckled. I have a good sense of humour, but clearly, you have issues you need to deal with maturely.

Are you the only guy whose Dad was a diplomat in Brussels? Check this: what was I doing in Brussels for 23 odd years and coming back with a Masters degree?

I would be very happy to have you respond to my acerbic post. Should you chose to, I won't stop visiting your site, cos, frankly, I find it interesting, albeit, a bit eccentric.

Be ready to see more visitors come by your blog, because some writing about this attitude of yours shall be in the offing. Africans need to stick together; what you are doing is far from it.

Have a good day!



Yet again, the comment remained for while—but not for long. By the evening, it was, unsurprisingly, erased out of existence.

Right now, I have lodged a complaint with Global Voices about Raymond’s attitude. I was faced with the dilemma of denigrating someone I had never met, whilst allowing the spirit of free speech (including the decision to erase my non-offensive comments), but I felt that it didn’t need me meeting him before knowing what a “nice guy” he is.

I do not doubt he is a good person—most of us are—but what this situation with Raymond reminded me of was the suppression of free speech, coupled with the arrogant attitude of the kids of African diplomats.

It would be wrong for me to cast the net writ large, but I do speak of experience of having interacted with the kids of African diplomats, and it wasn’t always pretty. It comes to a point when I begin to wonder whether it’s the lifestyle of priviledge that they enjoy that creates this attitude, where they are tempted to feel the need to “please” their non-African acquaintances and friends over the African ones.

It’s hard for me to say this is what Raymond is doing, but he is not reacting either. Either he dislikes me for having talked about his insensitivity of the Rwandan genocide or he simply dislikes me.

Like the anti-mentor guy above, I can live with his dislike, even if I believe it to be irrationality of the highest order.

One thing about me is that I do not suffer obtuseness or obnoxiousness gladly.

I was tempted to put it down to a West African/East African thing, then I thought it closer. His experience in life probably would not afford him the opportunity to see things through that lens. Rather, it is simply a case of dealing with an obnoxious blogger... who happens to be African.

And that’s the sad part: for if we have Africans like these (who clearly go to church) I wonder why we need racists at all!

7 comments:

inspired said...

like what you have created here...the music is good also as you read you can listen to the music

Anonymous said...

Emmanuel,
I happened to land on your blog through Raymond's,you are quite the intelligent guy,very true to your african roots..Nice. However I must say never have I read any1 as judgemental, over-reactive or self-opinionated as you are. You are one of those guyz that thinks they are the best, the smartest, the realest and everyone else needs to listen to them. Anyone and everyone who knows Raymond would find this blog comical, you make a total fool of yourself going on and on about someone whom you know jack shit about!Raymond's blog is Raymond's blog and he has the right to do whatever the hell he wants to do with it, freedom of speech mate!If you can't stand the heat,get the hell outta the kitchen!! If he wants to delete your comments..he can delete your comments, why do you have to make it so personal? If he felt your vybe was turning negative, he had every right to press delete! Why must you be so bitter about that? He does not owe you any airtime on his blog, get over yourself!! Making it all personal and talking about 'his father is a former ambassador',Pathetic!! Your high n mighty,self-rightous attitude is disgusting!!What exactly makes you more african than the rest of us? I am Rwandan and yet I waz not offended by his post on the genocide, so tell me,who are you to get that offended?? Please represent your views as your own and not those of the african race! You went on about sticking together..um... based on what exactly?? The fact that you both have melanin in your blood? Please!You did provide some comical relief though..even if i'm sure that was not your intention...like the part where you 'reported' him instead of recommending him...Hahahah,you are a funny one. I'm sure he is bummed about missing that chance!! It's funny that you can call him obnoxious, With a post like this you are the poster child for that exact term! To me atleast!I will always think of this post when I hear that word!! I don't know you and I am sorry for doing the exact same thing i am accusing you of, but you need to open your eyes and realise the world is not about you dude!All you need is a hug!!I wonder if my comment will survive your page or if you will delete it... Feel free to (over)react 2 it...TETA-Rwanda.

Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...

anonymous--unlike Raymond, I won't delete your comment, because I value free speech.

I appreciate your comments, and I like a guy with a sense of humour.

I've been here before, with the comments on self-opinionated, thinking high of myself. Everyone who knows me--including regular bloggers--know this to be untrue. But I appreciate your comments.

Water off a duck's back;-)

Have a good Africa Union Day tomw!
peace;-)

Anonymous said...

Hello Emmanuel,

I haven't visited your blog in a while. I did so today and to my surprise, found this post.

Take it from another Ghanaian ex-Vesalian living and working in Belgium who happens to know Raymond. He's not what you're making him out to be. Not in the least.

With me in the picture, you're not that many degrees separated from Raymond. And I have a sneaking suspicion that in judging him, you too, might have missed an opportunity.

Anonymous said...

When I were an active blogger, every now and then I'd go through my archives trying to pick out spelling mistakes and such to correct them. Occasionally I'd come across a very poorly written entry which makes me out to be stupid or childish or both. I have a feeling you'll look back at this post in future (hopefully soon) and thing "What was I thinking?!!"

Emmanuel.K.Bensah II said...

Efuwa--many thanks for your comments. I humbly accept the comments, and endeavour to be less petty. There's a saying that everyone is a fool for five minutes, which I transpose to say, "everyone is petty for five minutes". I am rarely that; and I probably, upon hindsight, judged Raymond erronously. He, however, left me little choice with his silence. I tried many times to engage him, and seek an answer to his inexplicable attitude--all to no avail. I was left with exercising free speech, which he was denying me on his blog. What would explain someone deleting your entry suddenly, each time you wrote something? doesn't make sense to me. Does it to you??

Finally, Efuwa, when did you graduate? I'm class of 2000.

FAF--you're probably right, and nice to know, now, that you were running a blog, which, regrettably, you have thrown the towel in. Why? You got a good thing going, there...

anyway, I take it you and Efuwa are an item? Good stuff!

Anonymous said...

Honestly speaking, I can not believe this accusation.Living in Belgium for a while now .I have been in College with Raymond for 3years. He is so helpful, caring and loving.
I do not see the essence of your "noise / attack". Attimes one need to sit and think before reacting. Characters like Raymond is a blessing in the shy!!

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